A Choice

Everyone has a choice in every aspects in life. But sometimes, you have to do what is right even though you do not want it especially if it's between life and death circumstances. It will not satisfy your heart but it will satisfy others. It's injustice. It seems that even if you make selfish or selfless decisions, it will still not satisfy both parties at the same time because being selfish satisfies yourself leaving others no satisfaction. On the other hand, being selfless satisfies others leaving you unsatisfied.

Sometimes, I really can't understand why I can't make a decision that would benefit both  myself and my family.Currently, I am enduring the pain of doing something I didn't plan to do for my life. Last year, I took up Computer Science and I was truly passionate of studying it. But because of financial problems, I was forced to transfer to another school (a state university) in fear of not being able to continue my studies. Actually, I was given two choices; Stop attending school or transfer to a state university. I was desperate back then and I was having a hard time making decisions and plans so I chose to transfer. I really do believe that learning is very important. Being educated is the only thing I am proud of. 

I took up the entrance exam and I passed the university but unfortunately, I didn't pass my first choice and that was Computer Science. So then, I was forced to choose a 3 year course that is Computer Engineering Technology, my another choice. But my interviewer (the time I was enrolling) chose Electronics Communication Engineering Technology for me. Actually, I just noticed it the time I got home already. It was kind of a spoof. I really do not have any idea in the course I am currently enrolled in. I am passionate with computers but then, ironically, I am not studying about it right now.

Sometimes, I figure if I can relate this course with Computer Science but I failed to do so. It is completely different and I am having a hard time catching up with my lessons. First, I have a subject called "Industrial Engineering". In this subject, you are seriously going to use hack saws and other tools used in industries. I don't even know how to use those tools from the very beginning. Second, Drawing Fundamentals. I am not good in drawing and I'm inaccurate when it comes in using rulers and triangles. I do not know how to use triangles. And of course, Electronic Circuit and devices and, Basic Electricity. Add Chemistry and some other minor subjects I have already taken up last year (They were not credited because I was formerly enrolled in a private university. According to the university I am currently enrolled in, they do not credit subjects that are taught in private schools. So you have to reset everything and go back being freshman.)

Somehow, I am trying to catch up with lessons by advance researching and studying but of course it's still not enough because I am not passionate on what I am doing right now. I still can't move on.

I still can't determine if I chose the right path or not. I don't understand. The only thing that is good right now is I am able to help my parents. I am currently planning on shifting but it will delay me. I mean this is a three year course so after I graduate,(since they call it a ladderized course), I can go up to engineering and be an engineer. 

Thinking about these things makes me do only one thing; cry in my bed every night.

I want to share this song called "Desperado" originally sung by The Eagles but this version is sung by Linda Ronstadt. This song reminds me of myself. I hope you'll like it.  

Kidnapped

I love adventure. I do not care of dangers that come my way as long as I enjoy traveling. That makes me a risky type of person.

I am not naive. Every time I go out, I do not let myself forget where I come from. That is the reason why I do not get lost easily. I always make sure I know how to get home. That is just one of the reasons why I don't get lost easily. There are many reasons but I'd rather go straight to the point on what this post is all about than mentioning all of them to you, readers. What I am posting today is about how I got the characteristic of being an adventurous person. This is an ironic story.

When I was a small kid (I am not yet studying on that time being),  I used to go out and play outside our house (my family's house). I was allowed to play outside but not outside the neighborhood. Let me describe first the place where I used to live in. Me and my family used to live in a compound. It wasn't a large compound and not really suitable for kids to play outside. The middle spaces were made for the vehicles (parking lot). Kids could only play in that particular place if there are no vehicles parked. I will try to illustrate it the place to you:

| H | P  | H |
| O | A | O |
| U | R  | U |
| S | K  | S |
| E | I    | E |
| S | N  | S |
     |   |  G   |   |     

*As you can see in this illustration, the middle space is for parking lot and it is between two columns of houses. It is not ideal for children to play outside their houses. *

Now that I have described the place I used to live in, the story goes on. As long as I remember, I went outside our house to play with the neighbors. One of our neighbors (a woman about 20's or 30's of age) talked to me and said that I should go to their house. Naive I was, I agreed to go with her. And then I met a man (I think the same age as her) and he welcomed me into their house. I sat into their sofa and remained quiet. They were nice to me. They didn't hurt me. Their telephone rang and the man I met answered it. While he was talking to the phone, I thought he was talking to my parents and telling them to fetch me. Then he gave me the phone and I thought it was my Dad but what I had heard wasn't my Dad's voice. It was somebody else. He took the phone away from me and we went to a store. By that time, I didn't know what they were trying to do. Luckily, I was saved by my Dad and I got home safely.

After that incident, I began to realize that they were trying to sell me. What I didn't understand is why I didn't feel that I was kidnapped by that moment? How did my Dad find me? He told me later on that he saw my pair of slippers outside our house. Wow. I didn't even notice I was barefooted. I was a total naive. 

Ironic isn't it? After being kidnapped, I became an adventurous, risky person. If you think of it, it is funny and weird. At least, from that experience came a positive outcome of my being. It is not necessarily a positive outcome of my being. Sometimes being risky comes to the point of being impulsive. It is not really a good thing when it comes in making decisions in life. That's it for now. I have many stories to tell about my life.

The Secret Admirer

"Walking by the boulevard
I've found myself thinking about you.
Thinking of ways to have you
Thinking of how I can get through you"

"Feelings inside cannot be said

I can't find the right words to deliver

Your presence makes me nervous

The only thing I can do is to shiver"

"Secretly attached to you
I am poetically inspired for you
My mind have decided
I'll write a wonderful song for only you"

"I hope someday you''ll hear me sing

I'll court you; Singing along with my heart

You'll hear my guitar strumming

I'll make sure we will never be apart "

Dedicated to someone I admire. Please rate my poem from one to ten. Also, please post your comments and suggestions for my work. Thank you, readers! More power to all of you!