Everyone has a choice in every aspects in life. But sometimes, you have to do what is right even though you do not want it especially if it's between life and death circumstances. It will not satisfy your heart but it will satisfy others. It's injustice. It seems that even if you make selfish or selfless decisions, it will still not satisfy both parties at the same time because being selfish satisfies yourself leaving others no satisfaction. On the other hand, being selfless satisfies others leaving you unsatisfied.
Sometimes, I really can't understand why I can't make a decision that would benefit both myself and my family.Currently, I am enduring the pain of doing something I didn't plan to do for my life. Last year, I took up Computer Science and I was truly passionate of studying it. But because of financial problems, I was forced to transfer to another school (a state university) in fear of not being able to continue my studies. Actually, I was given two choices; Stop attending school or transfer to a state university. I was desperate back then and I was having a hard time making decisions and plans so I chose to transfer. I really do believe that learning is very important. Being educated is the only thing I am proud of.
I took up the entrance exam and I passed the university but unfortunately, I didn't pass my first choice and that was Computer Science. So then, I was forced to choose a 3 year course that is Computer Engineering Technology, my another choice. But my interviewer (the time I was enrolling) chose Electronics Communication Engineering Technology for me. Actually, I just noticed it the time I got home already. It was kind of a spoof. I really do not have any idea in the course I am currently enrolled in. I am passionate with computers but then, ironically, I am not studying about it right now.
Sometimes, I figure if I can relate this course with Computer Science but I failed to do so. It is completely different and I am having a hard time catching up with my lessons. First, I have a subject called "Industrial Engineering". In this subject, you are seriously going to use hack saws and other tools used in industries. I don't even know how to use those tools from the very beginning. Second, Drawing Fundamentals. I am not good in drawing and I'm inaccurate when it comes in using rulers and triangles. I do not know how to use triangles. And of course, Electronic Circuit and devices and, Basic Electricity. Add Chemistry and some other minor subjects I have already taken up last year (They were not credited because I was formerly enrolled in a private university. According to the university I am currently enrolled in, they do not credit subjects that are taught in private schools. So you have to reset everything and go back being freshman.)
Somehow, I am trying to catch up with lessons by advance researching and studying but of course it's still not enough because I am not passionate on what I am doing right now. I still can't move on.
I still can't determine if I chose the right path or not. I don't understand. The only thing that is good right now is I am able to help my parents. I am currently planning on shifting but it will delay me. I mean this is a three year course so after I graduate,(since they call it a ladderized course), I can go up to engineering and be an engineer.
Thinking about these things makes me do only one thing; cry in my bed every night.
I want to share this song called "Desperado" originally sung by The Eagles but this version is sung by Linda Ronstadt. This song reminds me of myself. I hope you'll like it.
